Wherein our writer responds to fairly typical fantasy questions with somewhat untypical responses. In fact, these questions are so typical, they have appeared in slightly different form elsewhere in the cyberworld.  

Q: Who do you like as potential sleepers this year?

A: First off, let’s all agree that Jason Bay is not a sleeper. He won ROY last year. That sort of disqualifies him as a “sleeper.” And, as this website founder has so astutely noted in his own column a few weeks back, the term sleeper has become a misnomer. Internet research has made information so prevalent, that we all have the ‘inside scoop.’ But at the same time, it is critical to decide who you can get for cheap or at the end of the draft.

Most of us tend to focus our draft research on creating a hierarchy of the top names in attempt to figure out who we can pick at the end of the first round or two. But the truth is you know these players and you know how they’ll perform. And we’ll all get our share of them. The difference in winning your fantasy league is getting the late picks to perform for you. I want to emphasize this again: This is how your league is won. This. Is. How. Your. League. Is. Won.

So here are a few players I think will outperform their draft cost this year:

C Todd Greene – Once C.J. is gone, Greene will get part-time at bats, but put up full-time slugging.

1B Hee Seop Choi – Mildly unimpressive last year, but that also means his price is as low as it will get. Take a chance. Like buying penny stocks.

2B Adam Kennedy – His recovery from surgery is ahead of schedule and as everybody is hot for Figgins, they will forget about AK. The 2B job is his when he’s healthy and that may be sooner than everybody thinks.

P Woody Williams – Came on strong in the 2^nd half, is moving to a pitcher’s park, and shouldn’t cost too much.

RP – Pick up killer setup men. They help you in ERA and WHIP and are next in line to be closers. Think: Akinori Otsuka, Mike Gonzalez, Yhency Brazoban. 

Q: Should I be allowed to use Troy Glaus at 3B from the beginning of the season? He played 19 games there last season, is established at the hot corner, and has been declared the Diamondbacks' starter at third.

A: This is silly. If your league won’t let you put Glaus at 3B from the get-go then the rules need to be changed to reflect a player’s primary intended position. The spirit of the law is more important than the letter.  

Q: Is Griffey worth having?

A: Yes, until you get to the worth part. It’s so exciting to want to believe, have hope. There’s an idealism behind getting Griffey nowadays that is very sweet. Just when we think our young people are becoming so cynical, they haul off and root for the cripple to walk again. If you were my child, I would be proud of you. But my team would crush your team anyday. 

Q: Which 2 would you pick next in the SIXTH and SEVENTH ROUNDS?? 

J. Lopez and I. Rodriguez gone...On the board are V. Martinez and J. Mauer. Or
…

OF- With Sheffield and Edmonds still on the board. Already have Crawford and M. Cabrera. or
…
R. Oswalt. Only other SP so far is J. Schmidt. or
…
I have NO 3B, and on the board are Blalock, A. Huff or E. Chavez. or
…
No closer selected on my team so far, gone are Krod, gagne, foulke, lidge, rivera and benitez. So option for closers are Hoffman, Wagner or Dotel.

A: Sheff lasting until the sixth round. Wow. I wouldn’t take him either. Without knowing your scoring, I’d go Oswalt and Wagner. Then Chavez(but that’s only because I hate the Yanks and all they stand for. If you don’t mind rooting for Boss Hog, take Baby Sheff).

But really, this question begs a bigger one. In fact, let’s team it with this one:

Q: I have to keep three of the following: Adam Dunn, Todd Helton, Johan Santana, Jason Schmidt and Mark Teixeira. Santana is a given, and maybe Helton, then it gets really tough.

A: What’s with all the cut/draft questions? It’s like trying to tell someone about your dreams: We’ve all got our own and nobody else cares. Yeah, you get to play the game of seeing if your pick matches the fantasy prognosticators. Bu it dead-ends there. There’s little room for ideas. Clearly I need to steal better mail. How ‘bout this one?

Q: If you were a Playgirl playmate, how would your bio read, including hobbies, turn ons and turn offs. Relate them all to this baseball season.

A: Well, I’m glad you asked. Try this on for size.    

Hobbies: Changing the channel to ESPN Wednesday Night Baseball when my wife is trying to watch American Idol; deciding not to pay ebay prices for Cubs’ tickets; managing my time poorly when I should be doing other things like tending to my job.

Turn-Ons: Johnny Damon’s beard; Vladimir Guerrero swinging at any ball thrown in the park; Kerry Wood’s curveball; Billy Beane’s courage; any Red Sox hitter; Vin Scully; Peter Gammons’ musical taste; Eric Chavez’s defense; opening day.    

Turn-Offs: Jeff Kent’s mustache; everything about Randy Johnson; Shea Stadium; Bud Selig; the Blue Jay’s new logo; any Orioles pitcher; Tropicana Field; the Angels’ new name; Barry Bonds’ head; MLB’s fantasy baseball stranglehold.   

Robert Stapleton has never been caught stealing anyone’s mail, though there are more sundry activities he has been busted for that we won’t mention. He teaches writing in Indianapolis. His comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Rotochamps.com.