Where we promise not to talk about Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, steroids, Bud Selig, Donald Fehr, congressional hearings, George W. Bush, any pitchers from the Rangers or Reds, any hitters from the Nationals or Brewers, Spring Training surprises, or any other kinds of scary monsters.

-I received in the mail last week the 2005 edition of Ron Shandler’s Baseball Forecaster. This is the first time I’ve looked at Shandler’s book and want to highly recommend it. It’ll run you a 10-spot more than Baseball Prospectus(which is discounted at Amazon), but is much more user friendly than BP. For one, you don’t need a labor crew to haul around the Forecaster the way you do the phone book, er, Prospectus. Shandler’s book is laid out more efficiently and offers more varying levels of user information. Beginners can employ the commentary and projections and quickly catch on to the methodology. The mathematically minded can read the essays and abstracts and then go to the more advanced statistical data. The Forecaster doesn’t offer the nifty team essays of BP, but is more thorough in its offerings of strategies, rankings, and interpretable information. I’m still not sure how Value over Replacment Player(found in BP) is supposed to help me pull together a team, but show me control, base on ball, and contact trends(the Forecaster) and I know what to do.

-Now that we’re in the middle of draft season, we are also beginning to enter trade season. The post-draft trade talk is always fascinating. Expect to be offered Crappy Closer A (Miguel Batista, Greg Aquino, etc) for Young Stud A ( Travis Hafner, Aaron Rowand). Or perhaps Over the Hill Guy A (think Larry Walker, Jose Mesa) for Bullet Thrower A (Jake Peavy, Rich Harden). You will be outraged when you read these proposals and want to write back: “What the FUCK!? What kind of moron do you take me for? Go to hell!” But don’t. Follow Dr. King’s example and treat those who anger or degrade you with kindness and respect. You never know when you will need to use or manipulate other teams in your league later in the season, so keep your opponents on friendly terms. In fact, here is a form letter that I give you full permission to copy and paste as a reply to insulting offers:

Insert opponent’s name,

Thanks for the trade proposal. I would have gotten back to you sooner, but I kept thinking about the deal you offered. In fact, it kept me up at night. As I lay in bed, trying to tune out the sirens outside my window, I kept making lineups in my head, going back and forth with each of the players you mentioned. And let me be straight about this now: This is a fair offer. It makes sense for both sides. But, I’m strangely attached to (insert your player’s name) and have always been a fan of his, even though that doesn’t make much sense and I can’t really explain it beyond that. I have to respectfully decline your offer for now, though I may want to revisit it later in the season. Uh oh, there’s someone knocking on the door. Shit, I think it’s the police. Gotta go-

Sincerely,

(Insert your name)

(Insert your team name)    

Not only will your opponent be touched by the sincerity and emotional honesty of this response, they will be sympathetic to your run-in with the law. Hell, they may end up rooting more for your team to win than their own. Then, later in the season, you will use this capital with your fellow owners to swoop in and nab one or two of their players in a steal of a trade.

 -Some Spring Training numbers worthy of consideration:

 Troy Glaus is the leader in RBI’s right now. He’s hitting the ball with runners in play. Glaus only needs to stay healthy to go all-world. Yes, he had shoulder surgery last year, but he also had laser eye surgery. Which he means he mashed 118 bombs in 2000-02(his last 3 full seasons) with problematic vision. What might he do in a full season in which he can see?

Jose Reyes is allegedly healthy and running. He leads in swipes. Plus, he’ll be back at his natural position of SS this year, which might be friendlier to his body. The Mets might not be half bad this year.

The current leader in K’s is Rich Harden. In fact, his current K/BB ratio is 21/3. Welcome to the future, boys and girls. If you’re in a keeper league and you don’t own him, your chances to deal for him are about over. And you’ll be sorry.  

And some Spring numbers that don’t mean jack:

Tony Womack is currently hitting .500 in full-time play. Yeah, right.

Gabe Gross leads in dingers with 7. He’s shown no power propensity in the minors. In fact, his numbers in the littles look like Nick Swisher without the pop. I’m staying away.

Royals’ second-bagger Ruben Gotay leads in Slugging. KC likes Gotay, but not as a slugger. He’s young(22) and might be good, but not like this.

Robert Stapleton doesn’t really make line-ups or think of trade offers when he’s going to sleep. Ah hell, yes he does. And when his wife can’t sleep, he tells her to get her own team and think of line-ups to cure her insomnia. She hasn’t yet. He teaches writing at Butler University. His comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Rotochamps.com.